“The awareness of your surroundings”. 

 — One Sunday, I drifted into a small parish church in northern Italy. I wasn’t catholic yet, and I hardly spoke a word of Italian. I kneeled down, shut my eyes, and prayed a bit. I could hear that the church was filling up. When the service started, I opened my eyes and stood up. How embarrassing! The congregation was divided, with the men on the right and the women on the left …and I was on the left! I was not aware of where I was. 

— I have lost count of the number of times that someone has arrived late at a prayer group. Here we all are, swept up by the Holy Spirit to the seventh heaven… and suddenly in walks a late-comer who, without thinking twice, shouts out loud “Hello everyone. How are you all? Ouch! They are not aware of where they are. 

— Then a peculiarly Dominican innocence: How many times -driving on the motorway-, have I had to swerve hard, because someone had a puncture, and had stopped right there in the middle of the road to change the tire! Wow! They are not aware of where they are. 

 I could go on, but what I am trying to illustrate is the curiously universal lack of sensitivity to our surroundings. It is all too easy to say “I will wear what I want to wear”. That is little more than passive aggression. There is a time and place for everything. The warp and weft of a place and a time is not for us to define. We are just the threads. If we don’t like the cloth, it would be better to find another loom. 

     On the other hand, 

    A foreign visitor and his wife had discovered how to get to the Casa de la Anunciación, and were sitting down, waiting for Mass to start. She had a shoulder-less top, and was obviously extremely uncomfortable. I raced out to the kitchen, and asked one of our girls to lend me a sweater. Then I returned and made a signal for her to follow me into the sacristy. When she saw the sweater, you can imagine how grateful she was. She was only too aware of where she was, and that she was not dressed for the occasion. 

    “Games people play”. 

    I wonder if you ever got to read a book called “games people play”. The object of one of the games was to keep a person silent for the full length of a meeting. 

    As you know, when a person enters a meeting, he normally says and does nothing for maybe ten minutes, while he instinctively discovers where the leaders, the rivals and the friends are seated. 

    The game consists of asking him to go out and get something. While he is outside, everyone changes seats.

    On re-entering, the person again says and does nothing for maybe another ten minutes, while he instinctively discovers once again where the leaders, the rivals and the friends are seated. This can be repeated for the length of the meeting. 

     (It works. I did it together with one of my clients once. The poor victim never knew what we had done, but he didn’t open his mouth once for the whole length of the meeting!). 

    He was too aware of where he was, and more important, where the “movers and shakers” were. Here is an example at the other end of the spectrum. A person who was too conscious of where he was. 

    

    Obviously, the question of “awareness of where you are” is a paradigm, with many different dimensions that have to be folded into the omelette. 

    There are old fashioned concepts like “modesty”, that seem to have been forgotten, by both girls and boys. 

     At the same time, there are mean minded people who are intent on imposing their agenda, like the kidnapping of the peaceful protest at the Clapham Common vigil. 

     Then there are distractions, like checking your telephone, listening to Spotify, or thinking what you are going to say, instead of listening to the person who is talking...

    So, having defined the problem, now the BIG QUESTION: 

    “How do we teach people to be aware of their surroundings?” 

    Obviously, I don’t know the answer, or I would not have written the letter, but I was sort of hoping that an intelligent young lady like your good self might be able to generate ideas and suggestions. 

    Take note of the manipulation of your uncle, calling you “an intelligent young lady like your good self”. 

    God bless you 

     

Letter written to a niece March 22, 2021